I started a painting the other day, it just came to me. I had no idea what I was painting, it was just coming out of my mind. It started as most of my paintings do, and was going quite well, until I started to think about it. Now it’s come to a screeching halt. Now I have a few ideas as to what I want to paint, each different to the other, and I don’t know which way to go with it. So now it sits in front of me and I’m being quite indecisive about it. Who knows, it may sit now for years until I decide what to do with it. Or maybe something will come to me at any moment. Maybe I should just forget about it for now, until it’s ready, until I’m ready. Maybe I should start another painting that’s swirling around my mind. I find now, since it’s been so long, that maybe I just can’t paint anymore, maybe I’ve just lost it, lost faith in my ability, my talent. Maybe I’m not as good as I used to be, too many feelings about it come to the surface. All my paintings start out well, until I start to think (too much) about it, then it stops. It’s then that finishing a painting usually ends up being more of a chore. Thinking too much about it has always been a bit of an Achilles Heel for me.
Now as I sit here, staring at it, the ideas I had for it seem to fade, and the painting stares back at me. Empty. I was thinking of turning it into a sequel or partner to a painting I painted in ’04. But I don’t know. I don’t know what it wants to be. Ha, no, I don’t think painting are alive, it’s just kind of a spiritual thing. Well, for me anyway. Yet, not always however. And when it isn’t, that’s what makes it such a chore to get through. Maybe I am losing, or have lost my sanity. Who’s to say really, in this mad world, how can you really tell?
Sitting here, typing this, listening to a little Leonard Cohen, Eddie Vedder with a splash of Tom Waits. Even though it’s a little early on this side of the world to have a drink, I am. With a Colt mini-cigar. What to do, what to do………………………………….
I’ll post photos of my progress, if anyone is interested, once I get back into it, which I am hoping to do shortly. But we shall see. Cheers and good day to all, I’ll be back soon.